Standard reminder that you shouldn’t read Date Night unless you’ve finished Breaking News or you’re going to get smacked in the face with spoilers.
Table of Contents:
- Frustrated
- Very Educational
- Dingle
- Pinecone
- Genetic Material
- Sex Energy
- Thinking Out Loud
- Damp Is Sexy
- Evidence Of Vampirism
- Snackster
- A Lick In The Dark
- Armpit
- Stay Vigilant
- No Sense of Shame (FINAL CHAPTER)
CHAPTER TEN: Snackster
Thankfully when the four of us arrived home an hour later, I didn’t need any more therapy than I had when I’d woken up that morning. Praise Aphrodite for pants!
(I’d also recovered enough to stop speaking all my thoughts out loud in the car on the way back, which was lucky because I was sitting next to Adam and I didn’t want my brother to need therapy either – which definitely would have been the result of him hearing those thoughts. They were NOT appropriate for a family car trip, let’s leave it at that.)
“I love this house,” Topher said, hugging the doorframe that led to the hall where his room was. “So clean. So little material that would show up under a blacklight.”
“I wouldn’t say that,” I replied. “I do get injured and bleed a lot. There’s no way Will’s managed to clean all of it up. Does anyone have luminol?” That seemed like it would be a fun amateur forensics experiment to do as a group.
“Not on me,” Adam replied. “I kind of like that idea, though. I have a feeling this place would look like the lair of a serial killer.”
“Next date night?”
“Add it to the list.”
“What else should go on the list?”
He thought for a moment. “There’s a dodgy theme park a couple of hours away that I’ve always wanted to visit.”
“Really?”
“Yep. All the attractions are home-made. It sounds terrifying.”
“You can’t take Charlie there,” said Topher, still hugging the doorframe and rubbing his face on it affectionately like he was a cat. “She’ll die.”
“Agreed,” said Will. “If you’re talking about the place I think you are, I nearly lost an arm to one of the animatronic stegosauruses.”
“It has dinosaurs?” I asked, eyes lighting up. “Wait, you nearly lost an arm to the stego? But they’re herbivores.”
“Not at this park, trust me.” Will turned back to Adam. “Charlie’s a magnet for disaster. I know you’re a doctor, but you’re really setting yourself for a day of field surgery if you go there.”
“I’m sure we can handle it,” I said. “I’ll be good.” I didn’t usually make such bold promises as that, but there were dinos. I wanted to see the dinos!
Adam smiled. “You just want to meet the velociraptors, don’t you?”
“Not as much as you want to meet the velociraptor.”
He laughed aloud.
“Were you just flirting?” Topher asked, sounding disgusted. “That sounded like flirting. Was that flirting? What does that even mean? I don’t want to know. Don’t tell me.”
“I was talking about my vagina, Topher.”
I know I said I didn’t want to make him need therapy, but maybe just a little session would be OK. He did disappear on me for six years. I was allowed to make him slightly uncomfortable on occasion.
He narrowed his eyes at me, still clinging to the doorjamb. “I hate you.”
“You could try camping,” Will suggested, probably not wanting to talk about my vagina any longer either. “Should we get a snack? I want snacks.”
“Adam will make them. He promised.”
“I forgive you,” Topher told me. I knew he would. Adam prepping snacks for us would be enough to get Topher to forgive me for just about anything. Adam prepping snacks could get anyone to do almost anything.
While my pre-boyfriend got to work in the kitchen, I went upstairs to shower since I was kind of sweaty from my intensely seductive dancing earlier. When I was all towelled off, I dressed in my dinosaur PJs and fluffy pig slippers. I was about to head back downstairs when the three piggie angels on my bed awoke, raised their snouts into the air, sniffed with growing excitement, and then started oinking frantically before completely ignoring me as they leapt from the bed and ran down the stairs in search of Adam Snackster.
I understood. I went a little wild when I smelled Adam too. (Not just because of his cooking skills, but I’d be lying if I said they didn’t factor in at all.)
I shuffled downstairs after them, my eyes basically turning into little hearts when I was enveloped in the aroma of Something Delicious. My pre-boyfriend was an actual god.
When I reached the kitchen, the three piggies were lined up eating out of bowls increasing in size depending on the size of the pig (smallest for Herc, biggest for Arnold, stuck to the floor to minimise spillage for Dave, although I think she was more interested in eating the bowl itself). Toph and Will were stretched out on the couch drinking hot chocolate as Adam prepared our feast.
“Wait, was that smell the food for the pigs?” I asked, only sounding about ten percent as devastated as I felt.
Adam looked up from whatever he was chopping and raised his eyebrows at me. “Are you going to cry?”
“No,” I sniffled.
“Are you already crying?”
“Of course not. That’s just the way my eyes respond to hunger.”
He tilted his head towards the pigs. “I was worried they’d get angry if I didn’t feed them first.”
“They do,” said Will. “But Charlie also gets upset if you don’t feed her first. You’ve got to serve them all at the same time or there will be tears.”
Adam nodded. “I recognise my mistake now.”
“It’s fine. I’m fine. I know this doesn’t necessarily mean you like them better than me.” I hiccuped, which was weird because I totally wasn’t crying.
Adam stared at me for a moment. “This isn’t going to be another one of those things where you get weirdly jealous for no reason, is it? These pigs are the most important things in your life. It’s a good thing that I like them. You should be happy about this.”
“I’m not jealous.”
“It’s a blood sugar thing,” Topher told Adam. “Throw a cake at her and she’ll be fine.”
“Throw a cake at me and I will not be fine,” I said, wiping the hunger tears out of my eyes. (There’s a difference between that and crying. Shut up.) “If you throw a cake at me, I will throw a punch at you.”
“I made you a hot chocolate,” Adam told me. “Maybe you should drink that and then see how you feel.”
I downed it in three gulps, after which my ravenous eyes cleared up and I recognised how adorable it was that Adam was taking such good care of my piggies. Then I curled up on one of the armchairs and waited patiently for him to bring me the next seven courses of my midnight snack.
Copyright © 2021 by Clare Kauter
All rights reserved.