Wow, you’re looking lovely this evening! Did you dress up just for date night? Yeah, me too. These are my nicest pyjama pants.
A little update:
- I’ve added a Series Queries page to this website – if you want to know what’s going on with any book/series, check here! I will update it regularly to keep it current.
Now, on to the date!
Standard reminder that you shouldn’t read Date Night unless you’ve finished Breaking News or you’re going to get smacked in the face with spoilers.
Table of Contents:
- Frustrated
- Very Educational
- Dingle
- Pinecone
- Genetic Material
- Sex Energy
- Thinking Out Loud
- Damp Is Sexy
- Evidence Of Vampirism
- Snackster
- A Lick In The Dark
- Armpit
- Stay Vigilant
- No Sense of Shame (FINAL CHAPTER)
CHAPTER THREE: Dingle
We had to show our tickets at the door to the bar where we were handed an entire dead forest’s worth of paper booklets and a pen. Adam went to get drinks while I set myself up in one of the better lit booths for the sake of my already impaired eyesight.
“These questions are kind of odd,” I told Adam when he returned with a beer and a cider. (According to him. I think he was actually drinking cider too, but he claimed it was some sort of ale. I assumed he was lying less because he was worried about drinking a Man Drink – that would be ridiculous – and more because he didn’t want me to start sipping on his when I inevitably downed my own beverage too quickly.)
“What kind of odd?”
“There’s one about anal.”
“There is not.”
I held up the sheet and showed him.
“I stand corrected.”
I ticket the ’N/A due to medical issues’ box under that one and moved on hastily.
“Are you and your partner of differing physical attractiveness?” I read aloud. Well, that was an easy one.
“Why are you ticking yes?”
I rolled my eyes. “Don’t even pretend we need to have this conversation.”
“Seriously?” Adam said, looking unimpressed. “If this is going to turn into me giving you a pep talk to boost your ego, the pretence is unnecessary. I’m happy to tell you in detail – and preferably in private – exactly what I think of your body.”
“No pretence. I don’t care what I look like. This isn’t me being upset that I’m not as hot as you. You’re the one who has to look at me while I get to stare at your godlike form. I’m perfectly happy with how things have turned out.”
“So am I. The question is flawed. Who decides whether one person’s hotter than the other? It’s a subjective measurement.”
“Fine, whatever, blah blah beauty’s on the inside, I get it.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. You think I consider your personality beautiful?”
I paused for a moment. “Doubtful, although I would like to think you like some things about my personality.”
He smiled. “I love your personality, you’re being ridiculous, answer no and move on.”
My heart did a little skip thing when he said he loved me, so I forgave him for his bossiness. Mostly.
“Fine.” I did as he said. “Does your partner have to get their way in every argument?”
“That’s not on the sheet and if it were the answer would be yes for both of us.”
I thought for a moment. “I guess you’re right.”
“I am. Next question?”
I actually read the one on the sheet this time. “Does the woman in the relationship make more money than the man?”
“That’s a bit heteronormative.”
“Funny considering we’re surrounded by heteroweirdos. Why does it matter who makes more money?”
“It doesn’t unless you’re someone who’s deeply insecure.”
“So who do we write down?”
He raised an eyebrow. “I’m pretty sure it’s me.”
“It might be you if we mean legitimate income, but I really do have a credit card belonging to James.”
“So the question is whether obtaining a billionaire’s credit card counts as making money.”
“I can use it as any time and he’s never going to ask for it back. Surely it counts.”
“Do you know what the limit is on the card?”
I frowned, shaking my head. “No, I’ve only used it once.”
“To buy what?”
“I adopted a Tasmanian devil. Not, like, as a pet. One of those donation adoptions, you know?”
He smiled. “Did you name it?”
“Yeah. Dingle.”
“Dingle the devil?”
“Yep. Like it?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t met him yet. And that’s all you’ve used the card for? One thing?” I nodded. “If you’re not willing to spend the money, I don’t think it counts.”
“Fine, I’ll say that you make the money,” I said, filling out the appropriate box. “We should probably be answering as Rick and whatever my fake name is.”
“Wanda?”
“Perfect.” I wrote our names at the top of the sheet and moved on to the next question. “On a scale of one to ten, how would you each rate your sex life?”
We stared at each other for a moment.
“Theoretically?” Adam said.
I shrugged. “The kissing is off the charts.”
“Agreed.”
“I can only imagine…”
“You shouldn’t be imagining.” He shifted in his seat. “Neither of us should.”
I gave him a slow smile. “Your jeans feeling a little uncomfortable?”
“Do you get the feeling we just walked in at an awkward moment?” came a voice from my left.
Adam and I turned and found two familiar faces.
“Yep,” my brother said, answering his boyfriend Will’s question. “Kind of wishing I hadn’t heard that.”
“Because he’s eaten a lot of snacks,” I lied. “Nothing scandalous.”
“Snacks?” Topher’s eyes lit up.
“She’s lying, Toph.” Will patted him on the back. “There are no snacks. They were discussing dick.”
Topher’s shoulders slumped. “Why would you do that to me, Charlie? Get my hopes up that I might actually be able to stop my stomach from consuming itself and then dash them like that?”
“This might be the first time you two have ever seemed related,” Adam said. “Sadness over a lack of snacks.”
“It is pretty much our only similarity. Other than our huge crushes on you.”
Adam smiled while Topher rolled his eyes at me.
“What are you two doing here, anyway?” I asked them. “We figured we were safe from running into anyone we knew at an event that sounded this shit.”
They didn’t answer immediately but my brother glanced at Will out the corner of his eye, not exactly looking impressed.
“I’m going to go get a drink. You guys good? Great.” With that, Will basically ran away.
Topher shook his head at his boyfriend’s back and then plonked into the booth next to me. At my questioning look, he explained. “Will’s worried about our relationship because you and James split up and he’s convinced we’re next. I tried to tell him he was being ridiculous, but when Stacey told him about the discounted tickets she had for this seminar, he insisted we come here ‘just in case’.”
“You sound thrilled about it.”
“I can’t think of anything more pointless. We lasted six years without seeing each other and came out OK. Your weird half-relationship with James ending isn’t some portent of what’s to come for us. Why are you two here?” He frowned, considering the options. “You thought it would be funny to make the presenters cry, right?”
Adam and I glanced at each other and shrugged. “If it comes up,” I replied. “We’re mostly attending for the comedy value.”
“You’re both so strange.”
“Hey, you came here for actual help. We’re not the weird ones.”
He shook his head. “At least if Will spends a weekend around the two of you, he might figure out what the real problem was in your relationship with James.” He gave Adam a pointed look. Adam took a sip of his undercover cider, I’m pretty sure just to hide his smile.
I didn’t like the direction this conversation was going. I liked Adam being my pre-boyfriend, but I didn’t want to talk about my last relationship just yet. It made me jittery.
“James kissed Adam first,” I blurted, which was my standard knee-jerk reaction every time things got uncomfortable because questions of, ahem, relationship overlap had arisen. It was becoming such a common refrain in my life that I was kind of concerned I’d just start yelling it during random conversations.
Adam and Topher both gave me Looks of the Unimpressed Variety which was annoying, but hey! I’d found something they had in common! Maybe they’d actually bond over the course of this weekend!
Yeah, I know, I know. Wishful thinking.
Copyright © 2021 by Clare Kauter
All rights reserved.