Standard reminder that you shouldn’t read Date Night unless you’ve finished Breaking News or you’re going to get smacked in the face with spoilers.
Table of Contents:
- Frustrated
- Very Educational
- Dingle
- Pinecone
- Genetic Material
- Sex Energy
- Thinking Out Loud
- Damp Is Sexy
- Evidence Of Vampirism
- Snackster
- A Lick In The Dark
- Armpit
- Stay Vigilant
- No Sense of Shame (FINAL CHAPTER)
CHAPTER TWO: Very Educational
“The Budget Boudoir?” Adam said, turning to me. “I hate everything about that name.”
I shrugged, trying to ignore the way the woman checking us in seemed to be more focused on checking Adam out. “My friends booked it.”
“Friends don’t book friends anything with ‘budget’ in the name.” He frowned. “Didn’t they think you were coming here with a billionaire? On what planet would he stay in that room?”
“Maybe they just figured he’d upgrade us.” I turned to the woman, who was literally licking her lips at Adam. I don’t think she meant to do it, but I was having a hard time holding in my growl. “Can we upgrade?” I choked out.
She blinked, looking at me like she’d only just noticed I was there. “Oh, um… certainly. We have rooms ranging from –”
“Just give us the most expensive one.” I glanced at Adam. “You’re paying, right? You’re the one with all the money and the hatred of budget bookings.”
He gave the woman his credit card, looking amused. When we had our key cards and were rolling our bags towards the elevator – because apparently neither of us were big fans of packing light for a two night stay – Adam spoke.
“Would you seriously have stayed in the budget room if it were up to you?”
I shook my head. “I still have a credit card from James I could have used.”
He smirked. “If you’re trying to make me jealous, it’s not working. I’m not as easily manipulated as you.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means that you’re so wound up you gave me a death stare when I smiled at the woman checking us in a moment ago.”
“She was giving you come hither eyes.”
“She was not.”
“She was! And you were lapping it up like Dave laps up her own vomit.”
“You always have the most poetic similes.”
“And you always enjoy it too much when women find you hot.”
He tried to bite back his smile. “Do I, now?”
Hearing someone walking up behind us, I decided to give them a show. “Yes. That’s why we’re here, to sort out our marital difficulties, don’t you know. And it’s entirely your fault that we need to, Rick.”
Without missing a beat, Adam joined the game. Making up bullshit on the spur of the moment was the kind of thing that became natural when you worked as a PI. “I swear you didn’t nag this much when we first got together.”
“Well, that was a long time ago. Maybe if you behaved as romantically as you used to we wouldn’t have these problems. You never try to woo me anymore.”
“I’ll woo you any time, any place.”
I scoffed, ignoring the warmth that statement brought to regions I was meant to be ignoring currently. Damn him and his sexy voice. “I’ve heard that one a hundred times. Like right before you slept with the goat herder in Munich.”
Adam groaned as if he’d heard it all before. “You’re always going on about the goatherd. It was one night.”
“And I’m sure he was very attractive.”
“What about you and your life coach?”
I sighed. “How many times? There’s nothing between me and Pinecone.”
“I’ll say. There wasn’t so much as a layer of material between you when I walked in on your last session.”
“Argh, how many times do I need to explain this to you? He was showing me a new meditation technique. It’s not my fault you aren’t enlightened enough to see this for what it was. Anyway, I didn’t mean for this to turn into a whole argument.”
“You never do.”
“If you didn’t make me feel so bad whenever you have to pay for something we wouldn’t have half as many problems.”
“Oh, that’s what this is about?”
I shrugged passive aggressively, not trusting myself to say any more without cracking up laughing. I could barely bring myself to glance at Adam out the corner of my eye and when I did I had to look away quickly so the giggles didn’t take us both over.
“Well, the people running this conference have certainly got their work cut out for them.”
I was so impressed that he managed to nail the cold tone despite the circumstances.
“And we relish it,” said the person waiting behind us to get in the elevator. “This conference is going to be very helpful for you two.”
I turned to see who had spoken and found Ted Spinks, husband of Paulette Spinks and one of the two hosts of this terrible, wonderful conference.
“Oh my gosh, Ted!” I cried, pretending to be starstruck. “I can’t believe I’m meeting you! Rick and I are so excited for this weekend. If anyone can salvage this train wreck of a relationship, it’s you and your wife. I love watching the videos you make together and listening to your podcasts. You’re so in love.”
Lucky I’d had a bunch of practice lying to people’s faces or I might not have been able to hold it together. He and his wife were not in love. Adam and I had been more gooey with each other last weekend when I’d punched him in the face and given him a black eye that still hadn’t quite faded.
The elevator dinged and we all climbed in together.
Facing us as we rose up the floors, Ted smiled the kind of smile a scammer gives a potentially lucrative victim. “I’ll give you a little bonus tip now before we start, if you like.”
I nodded so hard my brain got all squidgy and fluffy and marred around the edges like parboiled potatoes when you shake them up before you roast them. (Yep, I know about things like that now. Being Adam’s pre-girlfriend had already been very educational. Not in a sex way. Obviously. But ‘very educational’ sounds like a sex thing for some reason. It was educational in a cooking way, which was one of his other areas of prowess. I should stop explaining.)
I held my head, blinking against the discomfort. “Yes to the free tip. Please.”
He leant towards Adam and tapped a finger on his chest. “You should be paying for everything for your wife anyway. It’s the correct role of a man in a relationship. To be the provider.”
Ordinarily that would have annoyed me, but right now it was too funny. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you, Rick. I need you to provide for me.”
We reached our floor and climbed out, saying goodbye to Ted who told us to come down to the bar for orientation once we were settled in. I tried to keep my giggles inside as we walked down the corridor to our room.
“You know, I thought I was going to hate this conference, but Ted’s insistence that buying me things is your role in the relationship? I’m kind of into it.”
“Sure, you like it now, but wait until they start telling you what a woman’s role is.”
That shut me up. Briefly. I stared forwards, eyes wide, wondering what sort of horrors I’d gotten myself into.
Once we’d dropped off our bags in our not-so-budget room (and immediately realised maybe we should have stuck with the other room because this bed looked way too Inviting in a Sexual Sense), we went to the hotel bar to find out.
Copyright © 2021 by Clare Kauter
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